We are all gonna die ya know, so stop being a dick head, I say to myself. But it’s fun being a knob sometimes and smiling is annoying init?! Like what the fuck are they smiling at, wankers, smug wankers! We occupy space temporarily, moments are fleeting, or that’s what people say. Fleeting, brief, not lasting a long time. Time. Relativity, subjectivity, does it exist? Some things just don’t look good but people like to provoke you, to poke fun at you with their shit art, their lazy ideas, fast and knee jerk banality. I dunno, no wait yes I do though, it’s shite and it has no meaning, that leads to a crisis, one where you are in your own head too much, thinking too much about too many things. Doing the research, the reading, the writing but maybe not formal planning for artwork is important because you have something to talk about what influences you at least, an idea, a concept, a silly joke that prompted the mood, the motivational kick up the arse to put a line down, a splash on the canvas. Those moments aren’t rare for the healthy, the ones with rituals, routines, discipline, get your head down on the pillow when you’re exhausted and rest, don’t force it, well not all the time. Exercise, eat well, sleep well, the self is important. Concentrating is easier when you’re in some kind of stability, not stressing bout things. Anxiety hits you in the stomach like a bag of potatoes, Wack, Thump, Pat’s Earrings too gaudy, perfume too smelly, too noisy, to crowded, the whole world is in your head and looking at the way you do everything, but their not, they don’t give a shit. The things you believe in, no one cares, if you want them to be interested, you can’t shove it down their throats, you gotta hit it differently, gently, not boring, not a lecture, but not so complex it’s unattainable, the mystery is important but it needs to be able to be cracked at least the day after when they wake up and realise, “ah, I get it now, that’s proper that”. Don’t worry about interesting, be yourself, cos yeah we are temporary, yes we are!
